Thoughts Aren't Fact

Grab a coffee have a read. Let it sink in 

Let’s say you get to work and say good morning. Everyone answers you except for one person who doesn’t even turn to look at you. Immediately, your mind kicks into overdrive. “What’s wrong with them? Did I do something and they are mad at me? But what? Maybe I annoyed them in the meeting the other day… But I didn’t say anything personal, it was just a professional opinion. No, I’m sure it’s not that. Then, what? Are they  just rude?”

⬆️ most of us have been there right! 

And now You fall into a vicious cycle of  turning something over and over in your head, and can even make yourself sad, angry, or nervous with these thoughts. Is there even anything happening with your co-worker? Maybe they didn’t answer because they were was concentrated on their work. Maybe they didn’t even hear you.

As a general rule, when you experience negative emotions you blame them on concrete situations or others actions. You believe that you’re upset because of things that are out of your control. 

You get mad because your co-worker didn’t say good morning. That is something you can’t control. What if instead of focusing on other people’s reactions, you try to regulate your own emotions? The one thing you can control is how you interpret the things that happen around you.

So what does that mean, exactly? Well, it means that you didn’t get mad because something external, out of your control, happened to you. Your interpretation of the situation was what made you mad. You thought that your co-worker didn’t answer you because they are annoyed with you or because they are a rude dick. Who wouldn’t feel upset about these kinds of thoughts? However, if you look at it objectively, there is no real reason to be mad about what happened. Make sense!? 

What if you had different thoughts instead of negative ones? What if you thought “They probably didn’t even hear me” or “They really focused on what they  doing, it’s nothing personal”. Do you think you’d still be upset? Obviously not. In fact, you probably wouldn’t have been bothered in the least. This is the perfect illustration of the role that your thoughts play on your mood and your well-being.

Do your thoughts reflect reality?

Thoughts can influence your mood even if they aren’t realistic. The fact is that most of us don’t often ask ourselves if what we think is real or not. We just believe ourselves, and that’s it. So, even if your co-worker has absolutely no problem with you, you think that they do, and that thought becomes a fact in your mind. You get angry if there were actually a reason to do so.

So why does your mind work this way? Well, in general, human beings need to know why things happen. If we don’t have enough information about the facts, different biases come into play and we draw our own conclusions. These conclusions, however, might not be the most realistic ideas. Along with that come negative emotions that wouldn’t be necessary if we could align more with reality.

No one teaches you that what you believe might be wrong. If you can learn to question your internal dialogue, you’ll be able to regulate your emotions more effectively. In fact, the influence your thoughts have on your mood can be a positive thing. How? Replace your negative ideas and internal dialogue with positive self-instruction! 

The truth is that it isn’t easy. However, with a little effort and commitment, you can make it happen. The first step is understanding and internalizing the influence that your thoughts have on your mood. That way, you’ll be aware of the importance of questioning yourself and changing the thoughts that don’t reflect reality.

Don’t believe everything you think. You’ll be happier for it.